So it has been a while since I blogged anything due mainly to not that much happening most of the time but I will sum up some stuff that has happened.
The main thing that has been happening is adjusting to Connor, we have had a real hard time sleeping in the beginning. He would wake up a lot through the night crying and to be honest we have been a bit clueless in the beginning, that coupled with our already unusual schedule of getting up at 3am to work for Eve’s parents then back to bed till around lunchtime hasn’t really helped him.
They should sample a baby crying and use it in alarm clocks as I am willing to wager that it for me at least is a sound that you cannot sleep through.
Things got better though, we got more confident, he is really healthy and happy. Everyone you meet when you have a baby is suddenly an authority on how you raise a baby and they are not shy about telling you there way, even if the way you are doing things is not wrong just different (more modern approach to their traditional ways). It is lucky I do not know the Chinese for “Fuck Off” as I fear I would use it too often. Now I am not being difficult, just because people are being nice, the fact is most of the information they give out is wrong or old and there exists new and easier ways to deal with things. People can make you doubt yourself with what they say, make you feel that you are doing things wrong, but I have learned to ignore them and do what feels right. For example, Connor loves to stand, I support him under his arms but not much and he puts the tension in his legs to stand. His wee face is full of joy as he does it. People told us oh don’t let him stand because when he grows up he will have problems with his legs. I checked this out at the Docs and I said I guess it is ok to let him do whatever he naturally wants to do right. He agreed.
Recently, we have been trapped at home, there is apparently a Chinese tradition that after delivering a baby you have to stay at home and not go out to recover and eat specific foods etc (I call it Mumbo Jumbo Bullshit, but here it is normal). So during this time my life has been sleeping, working, looking after baby, I can’t really remember seeing daylight much).
But after that month we started going out, this time was amazing for me as I finally got to see parts of Taichung. I ate sizzling steak that cost around £3 and the best day was when we travelled to the City Centre and spent the day away from home. Many people are shocked when they ask Connors age, partly due to his maturity and size and partly due to them thinking why we have him out when he is so young. The answer is simple we have no choice, nobody here actually offers us any help. He actually likes being outside though he seems really happy and he is never any trouble when out with us. Eve’s mum never seems too happy about us going out but once again it has nothing to do with her. I find my experience of Asian parents to be that they like to control every aspect of their children’s life, even when they are mature adults in their own right. They will even use guilt as a means of control. I prefer the West way of creating confident, independent individuals.
Connor and I draw a lot of attention when we are out, me because I am the foreigner and him because he is a mixed baby, most people are nice about it but some people are rude, they will stare or forcefully pull the carry cot to look. The worst culprit is the old hag in 7-11, always like that and even tries to wake him up when he is asleep. One day I pushed her hand away and said NO he is sleeping, he is a baby after all and not a toy. We now avoid that woman at all opportunities, it is a shame though as there is a younger nicer girl who works there who likes Connor but unfortunately is usually on the same shift as the old woman.
I got my Alien Registration Card (ARC) and now can legally work. It was a strange affair the whole process. After all the medical procedures, we applied for it and where told that an immigration officer would come and visit us to make sure I actually lived at the address I stated. Apparently we weren’t on the list yet but the guy called as he was seeing someone else in the area so he called to say he would come. Then he called back to say he couldn’t get in touch with the other person so he wanted to cancel. Evelyn pleaded with him that we had waited a long time so far and couldn’t he just come tonight, which he eventually agreed to. Now he was unsure of where we lived but he knew the 7-11 so asked if I could stand outside 7-11 and that way he could easily find it, easy to spot a white guy I guess J. We met and I took him over to our place, he asked me if I liked Taiwan, which I said yes too and then he told me that he had a friend in Taipei from England called Brian. I said OK cool. Then when we went inside and the strangest thing happened: “He put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it and said “You are so handsome.” I just looked at him and thought “I would do anything for an ARC but I won’t do that”. Actually when Eve came to the living room we discussed the ARC stuff and he said actually my application was a formality as normally the checks are for economic migrants.
Around 15 days later I received my ID card. I had to go to the immigration office and talk through some stuff with a woman. She gave me lots of booklets and information that was apparently helpful (unfortunately in Chinese, so that reduced the helpfulness a bit). She gave me four condoms and told me if I am going to have sex it is better to have sex with only one person (I resisted the urge to jokingly say “why have you compared sex with more than one person at a time). I found this sex ed chat rather funny with being 35 and sitting there with my wife and child.
Now I will tell you about a very lucrative human trafficking business that exists in Asia. If your family member is old or been in an accident and needs some care you can go through an agency and get an Asian from a poorer country such as Indonesia or Thailand etc. This employee will be paid for 24hrs to look after your family members needs at a price much less than hiring someone else in Taiwan (but to be honest most of those people would think that kind of work was beneath them). It is a good deal I guess for the poor person is able to make money to support their family back home but it is nothing more than legalized slavery. I will tell you why: Those caretakers must stay with the family member 24/7, they rarely get a break and are not often allowed to take time off. Actually it is actively discouraged by the agency etc. Man they can’t even go to the shops and get themselves something. They have no quality of life and virtually no human rights. It is something I have found to be quite disgusting. I believe that working in that environment everyone should have some time away from it for their own sanity sake.
So things at home got a bit strange. All of a sudden Eve’s mum spoke to her and said it would be better if I find a teaching job now and then we move out. Didn’t really see it coming and not quite sure what it is about. So now I felt more pressure and was a little confused. We talked about it and then we decided to go speak to her parents about things. I wanted to get across my point and talk things through. Basically, it didn’t go so well, Eve’s mum just watched TV and never paid any attention a display of utter disrespect from my point of view. She has been funny for a while though not even saying morning or hi or anything really. The main concern we had was covering the mortgage back home until I was able to find the right job etc. At the end Eve’s mum spoke and I later found out it was only to say that she thought Eve was really selfish and that if she wasn’t so selfish then they would have helped us out more but as a result they won’t. I find this to be childish, why purposely say things just to hurt? The truth of the matter is the only reason we decided to go to Taiwan was for her brother and based on things her mum said, doesn’t sound too selfish to me. Apparently when we go out it is just to have fun, despite the fact that every time we have left the house was for a particular reason.
A week or so later, we get a call and Eve’s mum says she wants to talk to us about something so she comes over. There is a lot of Chinese going on that I don’t understand. But her body language is very aggressive so I ask Eve. Eve tells me that she wants to help us rent the flat in the UK and she has friends who are lawyers etc. I am confused I ask in the UK? Nope they are in Taiwan but she says she can still help she needs information etc. I try to tell her that the law in the UK is different from here and it is nothing like as easy as here. She is annoyed at this and says something like do you think I can’t help. I just tell her again that the law is different, not only is it different in the UK it is different in Scotland from England etc. They tell us that now they won’t help us support the mortgage back home, so now the pressure is even bigger and I need to find a job pronto. I am a little annoyed as the only reason we came to Taiwan was based on what they said. I even asked them about specific living costs for in Taiwan so we could figure out where was the best place to have our family and they said don’t worry about those things and now they have changed the rules. Anyway, we will make a success of things despite them of that I am sure and then they will see the true resilience of us Scots. I don’t care about Eve or I but I care that they have risked Connors quality of life I desperately wanted him to have a better quality of life and not struggle as I did growing up in a poor family.
Basically nothing is that bad as I ended up getting three job offers really easily. One was only part-time though and the other was a kindergarden. Both of which would be illegal for me to work in as Taiwan changed the rules that Kindergarden should only be taught by Chinese and that English language exposure doesn’t start till Elementary level. It makes sense as studies show no beneficial improvement from exposure to English at Kindergarden but parents want to pay the money. Those two jobs were pretty much out straight from the bat.
I travelled to one though which is a new Buxiban (cram school, a kind of after school school, Taiwan is really Education pressured). I met the people at the school and they offered 50,000 a month which I talked them up saying that other jobs were around this mark etc. They wanted me to do a demo first to see if I was worth the money. I did it and they agreed to give me 60,000 to start and when more classes come put it up further. It is a daunting task to have these people depend on me to make their school a success but I am learning to meet challenges and smash through them, as is evident in the standing up in front of people and doing presentations etc. I am not sure if this is the best job I could have got but I need a job and it is a good one as basically I will be left to do everything myself which means faster learning. The overall plan is get a few years experience and then open my own school with Eve. I will also look into teaching adults by setting up a class once I am more settled and we find a flat. The job starts at the end of July and hopefully we will be away from this nightmare by August. I will never let Connor feel like this. We are completely excluded from the family and really feel we are being pushed away. They rarely have any interest in Connor which I find strange being their first grandchild. But it is fine as when we leave they will have minimum contact with him.
All that matters is that he will be healthy, strong and happy all off which he is now in abundance.
